Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
