Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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