yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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