I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
