Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
