i think i have herpe
just one?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
