My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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