I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
