The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
