i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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