whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
