He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
