I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
