You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
