He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
