so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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