Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
