You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
