i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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