Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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