she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
