You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i've created a new STD.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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