I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
