Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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