You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We need to get me chipped asap
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
