hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
