just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
