I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
even my farts smell like vagina
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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