yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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