So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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