I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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