I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize