The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
