Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it glows. i had to have it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Found the puke drawer
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
