I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
