Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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