last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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