yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
