Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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