I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
