mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
