Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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