Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize