Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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