so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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