Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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