Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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