i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
