i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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