It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
