Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
