i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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