Non-Jews are for practice
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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