Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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