so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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