is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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