i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
