I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize