found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
