I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize