She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Panties = found
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