DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
