It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
