Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
